Are You An Engineer?

You Might Be An Engineer...
If you introduce your wife as "[email protected]"
If your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner
If you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie
If you want an 8X CDROM for Christmas
If Dilbert is your hero *** <----- ***
If you stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE
If you can name 6 Star Trek episodes
If the only jokes you receive are through e-mail
If your wrist watch has more computing power than a 486DX-50
If your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place
If you look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys
If you use a CAD package to design your son's Pine Wood Derby car
If you have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than
hanging coats and taping ducts
If, at Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string
If you window shop at Radio Shack
If your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through the latest sci-fi movie looking for technical inaccuracies
If you have "Dilbert" comics displayed anywhere in your work area
If you carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test that actually takes five minutes to run
If you are convinced you can build a phazer out of your garage door opener and your camera's flash attachment
If you don't even know where the cover to your personal computer is
If you have modified your can-opener to be microprocessor driven
If you know the direction the water swirls when you flush
If you own "Official Star Trek" anything
If you have ever taken the back off your TV just to see what's inside
If a team of you and your co-workers have set out to modify the antenna on the radio in your work area for better reception
If you ever burned down the gymnasium with your Science Fair project
If you are currently gathering the components to build your own nuclear reactor
If you own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts
If you have never backed-up your hard drive
If you are aware that computers are actually only good for playing games, but are afraid to say it out loud
If you truly believe aliens are living among us
If you have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance
If you have ever purchased an electronic appliance "as-is"
If you see a good design and still have to change it
If the salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions
If you still own a slide rule and you know how to work it
If the thought that a CD could refer to finance or music never enters your mind
If you own a set of itty-bitty screw drivers, but you don't remember where they are
If you rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires
If you have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal
If you have more toys than your kids
If you need a checklist to turn on the TV
If you have introduced your kids by the wrong name
If you have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work
If your I.Q. number is bigger than your weight
If the microphone or visual aids at a meeting don't work and you rush up to the front to fix it
If you can remember 7 computer passwords but not your anniversary
If you have memorized the program schedule for the Discovery channel and have seen most of the shows already
If you have ever owned a calculator with no equal key and know what RPN stands for
If your father sat 2 inches in front of your family's first color TV with a magnifying lens to see how they made the colors, and you grew up thinking
that was normal
If you know how to take the cover off of your computer, and what size screw driver to use
If you can type 70 words a minute but can't read your own handwriting
If people groan at the party when you pick out the music
If you can't remember where you parked your car for the 3rd time this week
If you did the sound system for your senior prom
if your checkbook always balances
if your wristwatch has more buttons than a telephone
If you have more friends on the Internet than in real life
If you thought the real heroes of "Apollo 13" were the mission controllers
If you think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't get enough sleep
If you spend more on your home computer than your car
If you know what http:/ stands for
If you've ever tried to repair a $5.00 radio
If you have a neatly sorted collection of old bolts and nuts in your garage
If your three year old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain atmospheric absorption theory
If your 4 basic food groups are: 1. Caffeine 2. Fat 3. Sugar 4. Chocolate
If choosing to buy flowers for your girlfriend or upgrading your RAM is a moral dilemma.
If you take a cruise so you can go on a personal tour of the engine room.
If while in college you thought Spring Break was metal fatigue failure.
If the sales people at the local computer store can't answer any of your questions.
If at an air show you know how fast the skydivers are falling.
If you bought your wife a new CD-ROM drive for her birthday.
If you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie.
If you can type 70 words per minute but can't read your own handwriting.
If you comment to your wife that their straight hair is nice and parallel.
If you sit backwards on the Disneyland rides to see how they do the special effects.
If you have saved every power cord from all your broken appliances.
If you have more friends on the Internet than in real life.
If you know what <http://> stands for.
If you look forward to Christmas so you can put the kids' toys together.
If you see a good design and still have to change it.
If you spent more on your calculator than you did on your wedding ring.
If you still own a slide rule and know how to use it.
If you think that people yawning around you are sleep deprived.
If you window shop at Radio Shack
If your laptop computer costs more than your car.
If your wife hasn't the foggiest idea of what you do at work.
If you've already calculated how much you make per second.
If you've tried to repair a $5 radio.
If you have no life - and you can PROVE it mathematically.
If you know vector calculus but you can't remember how to do long division.
If you've actually used every single function on your graphing calculator.
If it is sunny and 70 degrees outside, and you are working on a computer.
If you know how to integrate a chicken and can take the derivative of water.
If you think in "math."
If you have a pet named after a scientist.
If you laugh at jokes about mathematicians.
If the Humane society has you arrested because you actually performed the Schrodinger's Cat experiment.
If you can translate English into Binary.
If you can't remember what's behind the door in the science building which says "Exit."
If you are completely addicted to caffeine.
If you consider ANY non-science course "easy."
If when your professor asks you where your homework is, you claim to have accidentally determined its momentum so precisely, that according to Heisenberg it could be anywhere in the universe.
If the "fun" center of your brain has deteriorated from lack of use.
If you'll assume that a "horse" is a "sphere" in order to make the math easier.
If you understood more than five of these indicators.
If you make a hard copy of this list, and post it on your door.