Jokes for Engineers

The frog and the software engineer

A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said: “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess”. He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said: “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.”
The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

How many engineers does it take to change a lightbulb

How many first year engineering students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That’s a second year subject.
How many second year engineering students does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but the rest of the class copies the report.
How many third year engineering students does it take to change a light bulb?
“Will this question be in the final examination?”
How many civil engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to do it and one to steady the chandelier.

Engineers Diet

We all know that it takes 1 calorie to heat 1 gram of water 1 degree celsius.

Monkeys

A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there, another customer walked in and said to the
shopkeeper, "I'll have a C monkey please."
The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the other side of the shop and took out a monkey. He fit a collar and leash, handed it to the customer, saying, "That'll be $5,000." The customer paid and walked out with his monkey.

Personalities

They asked The scientist; What is 2 + 2?
He replied... 4.000000000
They asked The engineer; What is 2 + 2?
He replied... 4.0 (+/- )

They asked The attorney; What is 2 + 2?
He replied... what would you like it to be? :o)

Upmanship

An engineer, lawyer and CPA go together on a camping trip one summer.
After a night of drinking around the campfire, the CPA stood up and said "Watch This!" he took out a pistol, threw his bottle of burbon in the
air and shot it.
The lawyer, not to be out done said, "that's nothing." He threw his bottle of scotch in the air and shot it blind-folded.
The engineer stood up and said "That's better, but it's still not worth a damn." He grabbed the pistol, shot the CPA and lawyer, and sat back
down to finish his beer!

Sensitivity

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!
Doctor: I don't know but I've never seen such ineptitude!
Priest: Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him.
Priest: Say George, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow aren't they?

Are You An Engineer?

You Might Be An Engineer...
If you introduce your wife as "[email protected]"
If your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner
If you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie
If you want an 8X CDROM for Christmas
If Dilbert is your hero *** <----- ***
If you stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE
If you can name 6 Star Trek episodes
If the only jokes you receive are through e-mail
If your wrist watch has more computing power than a 486DX-50

Logical Choice

A engineering student is on his way to class, when his friend, another engineering student, rides up on a bike.
"Where did you get the bike?", asks the first engineering student. The other explains, "Well, I was on my way to Unit Ops, when one of the
cheerleaders rides up and jumps off her bike. She screams with excitement, runs up to me, strips off all her clothes, gives me a big hug and a kiss, and said she'd give me anything I wanted!"

The first engineering student says, "Good choice. Her clothes would never have fit you."

Micro Logic

There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and an Microsoft engineer. Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong.
The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred.
The chemical engineer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.

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