Jokes for Engineers

एक बार केजरीवाल ने भगवान शिव जी को खुश करने के लिए घनघोर तपस्या की.

एक बार केजरीवाल ने भगवान शिव जी को खुश करने के लिए घनघोर तपस्या की.....
भोलेनाथ उसकी तपस्या से खुश होकर प्रकट हो गए और बोले - मैं तुम्हारी तपस्या से प्रसन्न हूं बेटा। मांगो क्या मांगते हो..?.
केजरीवाल - मैं चाहता हूं कि मोदी जी इस्तीफा दे दें.....
भोलेनाथ- तथास्तु ...............
दूसरे दिन ललित मोदी का आईपीएल से इस्तीफा आ गया 
केजरीवालजी ने यह ऐलान कर दिया कि नरेंद्र मोदी और भोलेनाथ एक दूसरे से मिले हुए हैं...
अगली बार उसने भगवान विष्णु की उपासना की और कहा कि देश के प्रधानमंत्री इस्तीफा दे।
विष्णु जी ने कहा - जैसी तुम्हारी इच्छा...तथास्तु....

साप्ताहिक भविष्यफल

सोमवार : - सफलता के साथ खुशियों के क्षण भी महसूस करेंगे। आप के जीवन में किसी सुंदर कन्या के आने का योग बन रहा है,

मंगलवार : - घर बैठे आज आपको धन प्राप्ति के योग है,अनायास भाग्योदय होने से आपको आश्चर्यचकित परिणाम मिलेंगे।

बुधवार :- खुशियां मिलेगी, शुभ सन्देश मिलेगा,कोई सवैधानिक पद मिलेगा। आकस्मिक धन लाभ, सोने चांदी का दबा खजाना मिलने का योग.

वीरवार : - खूबसूरत जीवन संगिनी से मुलाकात और शादी का प्रबल योग.

शुक्रवार :- नयी महिला मित्र से मधुर सम्बन्ध, अकेले में रात को उसके घर रुकने का निमंत्रण मिलने कि पूरी सम्भावना.

Human Anatomy

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."

Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."

The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

A man is flying

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”
The man below says: “Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field.”
“You must be an engineer,” says the balloonist.
“I am,” replies the man. “How did you know?”

Blind Golfers

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!" The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."

Engineering pick-up lines

  • I won’t stop bugging you until I get the address of your home page. Cringe!
  • You fascinate me more than the Fundamental Theorem of Calculus.
  • Since distance equals velocity times time, let’s let velocity and time approach infinity, because I want to go all the way with you. Ouch, this one is wrong on so many levels
  • My love for you is like a concave up function because it is always increasing.
  • Let’s convert our potential energy to kinetic energy.
  • Wanna come back to my room? …and see my 1000 Mhz Pentium VII?

An engineer was enjoying

An engineer was enjoying his very first vacation ever, relaxing on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. It was wonderful, the experience of his life. He was being waited on hand and foot. But a hurricane came, and the ship went down instantly. The man found himself swept up onto the shore of an island. There was nothing else anywhere to be seen. No person, no supplies, nothing. The man looked around. There were some bananas and coconuts, but that was it. He was desperate, and forlorn, but decided to make the best of it.

Paying In Advance

Once an engineer was driving in a ranch and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth.

“Oh, about $200 today,” said the redneck. “But in six years it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what I’m out.”

Engineer sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the redneck.

“Here,” he said, “is the check for $900. It’s postdated six years from now.”