Jokes for Engineers

Blind Golfers

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!" The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."

Engineering pick-up lines

  • I won’t stop bugging you until I get the address of your home page. Cringe!
  • You fascinate me more than the Fundamental Theorem of Calculus.
  • Since distance equals velocity times time, let’s let velocity and time approach infinity, because I want to go all the way with you. Ouch, this one is wrong on so many levels
  • My love for you is like a concave up function because it is always increasing.
  • Let’s convert our potential energy to kinetic energy.
  • Wanna come back to my room? …and see my 1000 Mhz Pentium VII?

Water in the Glass

To the optimist, the glass is half full.

To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.

To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

An engineer was enjoying

An engineer was enjoying his very first vacation ever, relaxing on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. It was wonderful, the experience of his life. He was being waited on hand and foot. But a hurricane came, and the ship went down instantly. The man found himself swept up onto the shore of an island. There was nothing else anywhere to be seen. No person, no supplies, nothing. The man looked around. There were some bananas and coconuts, but that was it. He was desperate, and forlorn, but decided to make the best of it.

Paying In Advance

Once an engineer was driving in a ranch and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth.

“Oh, about $200 today,” said the redneck. “But in six years it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what I’m out.”

Engineer sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the redneck.

“Here,” he said, “is the check for $900. It’s postdated six years from now.”

Knowing Where To Put It

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired.

Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion dollar machines.

They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to work but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past.

Woman vs. Bicycle

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

Haw two empres a Garl if Week en inglish

यू पी सरकार से लैपटॉप पा कर लड़का गूगल पर टाइप करता है 
" Haw two empres a Garl if Week en inglish "
गूगल का जवाब -
"सुधर जाओ, खेती बाड़ी कर लेओ, जेमें फायदा है, मोड़ी पटावे में कच्छु नई धरो, जयदाद बिक जईहे जे चक्करो में और जूता पडिहै सो अलग.

One girl went to a electronic shop with anger

One girl went to a electronic shop with anger and
threw her new laptop on the desk at a person from
whom she bought it. 
She told the salesman that you have... cheated me. I cannot transfer file from my previous laptop.. Salesman : Madam, can you please try infront of me. This is what She did,

1) Right clicked the mouse on the file which she wanted to transfer and selected CUT option.

2) Disconnected the mouse from that PC.

3) Took that mouse carefully and connected it to the other PC where she wanted to copy that file.

Smoking Is Injurious To Health

A Software Engg was smoking
Girl: Didn’t u see the warning ?
Smoking is injurious to health.
Engineer: We bother only about errors & not warnings.